Rudeness isn’t a trivial matter. Studies show that employees suffer from physical complaints such as stomach aches, sleeplessness, and headaches after feeling disrespected on the job. Other research shows that simply witnessing rudeness can tamper with our own creativity or memory. Like other emotions, the negativity from rude behavior can create a contagious effect of spreading other negative behaviors.
From pushy patrons at the post office to huffy humans waiting in line to cranky co-workers, we all feel that rudeness is increasing. Ask a friend or colleague about their recent experiences – most have eyebrow-raising stories to share and would agree that rude behavior is on the rise.
So what do we do when we are the receiving end of rudeness?
First of all, realize that rudeness is often ambiguous, and we spend a lot of our brainpower trying to figure it out. What did that supervisor mean when she said, “Well, your presentation was better this time than last time” in a flat tone… especially after she commended you on your last presentation? Is a co-worker being passive-aggressive, lazy, or forgetful when they leave dirty dishes? Added to the mix of ambiguity is the rainbow of ways to interpret emails, texts, and social media posts.
One way to handle rudeness (or possible rudeness) is to understand what is really worth delving into. Let things go that aren’t really meaningful. For some especially sensitive individuals, it can be a difficult habit to practice, but looking a co-worker in the eye, smiling, and saying a genuine “thank you” to an ambiguous comment can free up valuable brain real estate that can be devoted to much more important matters.
Second, science shows us that just as negative emotions are contagious, so are positive ones! To help change a culture of rudeness at work, initiate a charm offensive. Be unrelentingly courteous. You can create a more positive atmosphere by showing your coworkers that you are genuinely interested in them and respect them as individuals although you may not agree with everything they do.
Third, realize that some rudeness needs to be addressed. However, rudeness does not need to be addressed with equal rudeness. Take the high road professionally, ask for clarification in a non-judgmental manner. Speak up, state the problem, state the consequences in a matter of -fact manner, and then offer a solution. Maintaining a respectful, constructive tone by focusing on the behavior and not the person is a tried-and-true approach to increasing civility in the workplace.
Fourth, take a deep breath! Deep breathing calms our sympathetic nervous system allowing our brain to function in a broader way and gather more appropriate data than a knee-jerk response. Before responding to a rude email and firing off a reply, breathe, and if possible, take a break. Consider the implications. Use restraint and ask for clarification. Practice ways to communicate in a kind, respectful, and clear way. By taking a minute to breathe and consider, you can change your reaction from one that you regret to a response of which you can be proud.
The lack of civility can cost a company hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost productivity, worker turnover, and human resource hours in conflict management. A proven antidote is building a culture of civility, and that can start with you.
